


"Some said that the title to this should be Zootopia 2"

by RiseAgainst522, Rynadine, SpookOrSpectre, usernamesweretaken



Series: ZAA Crack Fix [1]
Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Crack Fic, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 16:16:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiseAgainst522/pseuds/RiseAgainst522, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rynadine/pseuds/Rynadine, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookOrSpectre/pseuds/SpookOrSpectre, https://archiveofourown.org/users/usernamesweretaken/pseuds/usernamesweretaken
Summary: This is a collaborative work by a bunch of unknown authors who had nothing better to do on a Saturday night. Be warned that it's 1000 words of  nonsense and random references, or to say it another way:Basically, a bunch of idiots got together and this happened. This is a serious joke of a fic. If you want something legitimate, DO NOT READ THIS STORY. It is what is known as a 'crack fic'. We all took turns writing about one sentence, and had no control over where the story went, if you can even call it a story. If you do, for some reason, decide to read it, we recommend that you do so in an inebriated state of mind.
Relationships: Judy Hopps/Nick Wilde
Series: ZAA Crack Fix [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816570
Comments: 25
Kudos: 18





	"Some said that the title to this should be Zootopia 2"

**Author's Note:**

> A/N's from each author 
> 
> SpookOrSpecter - The idea came to us in dreams. It was only logical that I use death metal and The Exorcist as inspiration
> 
> Rynadine - I regret nothing and I stand by this work as my magnum opus.
> 
> usernamesweretaken - This whole thing is the brainchild of a bunch of idiots getting together to be idiots, except we aren't usually actual idiots. We all have our own (much better) stories, and if you actually liked this, please dear god don't go anywhere near our normal ones. This was an event hosted on my Zootopian Author's Association discord server, which recently experienced a massive amount of growth after the banning of one 'Wildebunny the Eternal', aka 'Venomheart the Dreamer', aka 'the bane of all things fanfiction' was banned. More information on that is in my user profile.
> 
> Riseagainst522 - This is my first crack fic, and first collaborative work. It was a good time and I might do it again in the future if given the time. If this is your first time hearing of me, or any of the other authors mentioned be sure to give their stories a look, don't judge us based on this. Good luck and godspeed in reading this.

Judy stood in front of the Zootopia police station, her foot tapping impatiently.  _ ‘Where the holy carrot is he?’  _ she thought impatiently.  _ “The good for nothing fox was supposed to pick me up thirty minutes ago.” _ Judy then checked her phone again, her paw hovering over the call button.

_ ḑ̖͚̟̥͍ͪ̽ͮͥ͑ͥ͠eͯ̍͠͏̧̭̠̙̜͚̪̯a̴̷̻̝̋̽ͪ̂ͭ͠r͙̻̹̜͋̋ ͖̬̤̣̰̂̓ͦ͌ͪ͌̂͠g̥͈̫̤̫̤̹͔ͨ́̂ͭ̆ǒ͕̗̤́̔ͤͩͫ͞d̡̺̣̙͓̹̞̻̹̄͌̏̓̋̑̓ͬ ̢̡̤̦̫̩͈̒̒͌̎̈̋ͥ̽p̲̼̪̥͈̳̗̓ͪḽ̥̬̗̥̗̼̫̻ͮ͌̄͢͝ë̛̤̗̩̖̜̱̰́̈́͂ą͎͎̻̝͇̟͇͓ͤ̍̿̂̊̀͜s̈́͐̄ͧ̉̊ͯ͛͌͏̯̹̝͎e̛̗̦̜̟̠͉̘̥̓̒̈ͦ̑ͬ̈́ ͨ͛̓͑͢҉͖̳̻͚͕̳͇͚h͒͋͋̇̾̃ͬͦ̓̕͏͉̪̘͓̘ͅḙ̡̟̫̳͓̟̮̙̆̍̔̿̂̇̉̑̆͘͟l̿͋ͤ̿̿̚͡҉̱p̨̨̺̻͈͙͚̭̪̥̽ͧ̆͆͝ ̸͎͖̲̟̟̦̒̈ͦ̆̔̾ͬ͌͆̕͡m̦͈͚̋̅̊̉̓͐ͅẽ̖̟̯̺̟͔̃̋̃̔͒̍̚͘ ̹̙͇̥̲̥̥̻͋̈͑ͫ̍͑̈́c̼̤̫͇͔̯̒̆̓̒̌̕à̉҉͔̩r͙͎̟͖̔̑ͮ͛̍ͩ͡r͔̗̗͙̯ͥ̓ͬͅͅo̹͖̝̖̜ͬ͒ͭ̉ͤ̈́̀͞t̰̘̭̣͈͈̳̟ͣͯͭ̆̂s̷͎̰̣͗̓̕ _ it read, each word illuminated in a garish neon glow. Her muzzle tightened into a frown.

“Not even God can save you now,” Judy muttered under her breath before a massive pair of neon wings sprouted from her back and she began rising, without even a flap. She took a moment to look over her appearance. ‘ _ No idea what's going on but what fresh hell is Disney doing to me now?’ _ Judy sighed before she took off, heading towards where Nick should have been. As Judy flew through the night sky her mind was filled with the torment she was going to inflict on the poor unsuspecting fox.

She kept flying up and up, higher and higher, a prodigal Icarus against the slavering Lovecraftian maw of the oppressive atmosphere. Each non-flap took noticeable effort, her arms raising up into the universally-blessed form of a T-pose.  _ It shall be a cursed night for this fox,  _ she thought, watching as the peasants below her marveled at her immaculate beauty.

Unfortunately for her, she wasn't the only one who had experienced a sudden change.

While Judy was growing her wings Bogo, Bellwether, and Bucky were all simultaneously growing razor-sharp spikes along their backs and fifteen-inch claws. This was not the first time that they had transformed like shitty parody werewolves, nor would it be the last. Now all of these shitty were-mammals were heading to an unsuspecting Nick’s apartment. The confrontation was to be legendary.

“Lugal Xu I Men, Lalassu Xul,” Bogo said with blank eyes. His eyes, however, were the only blank part of him. The rest of him was coated in constantly shifting patterns of blue and orange, forming a crappy animation of Jesus dancing the Macarena.

“Shut the fuck up, discount Pazuzu,” Bellwether shouted telepathically, as all her wool fell off, replaced by pitch jet-black lizard scales. 

Meanwhile, in Nick's apartment, which was actual literal hell, flames blazed with hellish intensity, cause it's hell. Get it? "t̵̙̩͕͕͍̘̣ͅh̵̡̪͙͙̣̗͓̼͡e̷̸͔̣͞ ͈͓̘͉̼̭͉̕f͔̜̙̭͎͙̰̯͡͝i̡̨҉͚̥̞͍r̪̼̩̞̱͟͝e͇͟͝,̴͖̠͙̱͕͙̩̕ ̡̝͈̲o͕̬̺̫̫͉ḩ̡̹̺̟̞ ͎̺̣̦̞̙m̧͓͡y҉͏̺̣̞̬ ̤̻͙̕͜͝g͓̟̻̻̟͚̫o̧̙͍̟̭̫̗̝͠͝d҉̙̻̯̣͖̣̹̺ ̵̣͓̥̖̥̮t̞̦͠h҉̶͕̬̘̳̳̱̞͈͍ȩ̶̳͢ ̴̶̧̟̻̹f̵̞̰͢i̘̼̙̯̳̣͍͠ŗ̹̻̣̤̮͉̥͎e̯̱̘̲̤̯̹͠" Nick deadpanned.

“I have come to take my dominion over this land, and you satans will not stop me,” Judy said.

“You can’t use my name like that,” Bellwether said, “not in plural.”

“...” Bucky said. His eyes, or what was left of them, widened. “...!” He said, more urgently this time. “ **...!** ”

"Dude," Judy dudepanned, “take yourself off mute so we can hear you!”

“Oh fuck, my bad,” Bucky roared, his voice now booming across the night sky. “What I was trying to say was, we have all come to protect the impure fox from your cleansing, for he is our brother, and like brothers, we shall stand.”

“...Wait, what? Where does cleansing come into this? I mean, I suppose that in some strange facet of the imagination what I want could be considered a cleansing, but really? I didn’t think your kind was capable of that type of thought.”

“Sine, quid tibi cum vulpis tum?” Bellwether screeched.

“English motherfucker, do you speak it?” Judy yelled back.

“Fine, philistine, I asked wait, what do you want with the fox then?”

Nick, still completely engulfed in flames, felt a spike of dread at the ambiguous use of Latin and the word “cleansing”. It was starting to fuck with his head, as well as with the narrative. I mean goddamn. This shit is a mess already, and we’re less than 750 words in.

“I want… I want…” Judy said, struggling to find the words. “These wrongs shall be righted… he has been a very  _ bad  _ fox,” she said.

Meanwhile, on the ground below the skyscraper where Nick’s apartment was located, mammals were beginning to wonder why a skyscraper had suddenly appeared, or why four grotesquely deformed mammals were cosplaying as Daemons in the sky, shouting in Latin about naughty foxes and the cleansing to come.

The answer, of course, was that this was clearly an exorcism. Nick had been struggling for far too long with the struggles of his lateness demon, and now Judy had come to remove the demon from him, while the kings and princes of demons had come to stop her.

A manifestation of Nick’s inner demon of lateness appeared in front of Judy in a symphony of viscera and cruor. She blinked once, nonplussed.

She blinked again,  _ totally _ plussed, as the appearance of Nick’s demon took the form of the thing she wanted most in this world: Nick’s meat toboggan.

Suddenly, a voice rang-rang out in each of their minds, calling. “Oh no! The port coordinated feedback array system with cascading developer backbone has stopped working!”

“Fuck,” Nick,  _ still _ on fire, articulated, “you weren’t supposed to hear that.” He, in his infinite wisdom, knew fully the ramifications of what was happening. This would surely be the last time this naughty fox needed discipline from his gracious giver of life and health.

But maybe not... If the plasma logic system that was partitioning the supporting kilohertz waveform could successfully intermesh with the transient local waveform, he might be able to save himself.

“Nah, fuck that. What I really need to do is get out of these restrictive clothes and put on an elephant costume, maybe then I can escape,” said Nick.

Judy nodded. “I like two of those three things you said,” she declared sexyly.

“I see you are too powerful for our methods,” Bucky noted, watching as the two disrobed and everyone returned to their normal forms.

Bellwether looked around her; she was standing in an apartment surrounded by mammals that she despised, and two of them were  _ lacking  _ in the clothing department.

Nick, looking around at his no-longer-burning apartment, just smiled and said, “Let’s Fuck!” 

“Alright,” everyone replied in unison.


End file.
